


Love Love Love (Let You Go)

by molly16



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Also the title is an Andy Grammer song because every episode is a song title, F/M, I may have done that, I said it would have been better if they just killed him off soo, Since I have to fix it myself, chapter 3 is calzona heavy, just a heads up if they aren't your jam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23048167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/molly16/pseuds/molly16
Summary: A little fix it fic for Alex's farewell episode since he and Jo deserved better.
Relationships: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev, Meredith Grey & Alex Karev
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	1. Freeze

Days of knowing that Alex had never gone to see his mother. Days of questioning if he really did just abandon her, if he got so tired of her crazy that he just had to leave. But somehow, this news is worse. At least if he had just left, she could call him, talk to him, hear his voice. She can’t. Instead, she got a call from some hospital in Wyoming. Alex Karev, one of the only people in her life that hadn’t left her, had an aneurysm at the airport. There was nothing they could do, there was too much bleeding, too much pressure on the brain, the paramedics got him to the hospital too late.

Just like that, her husband was gone. She’s a widow. Her life has completely and entirely changed. It isn’t until Link is crouching beside her that she realizes she’s crying and she has her phone in her lap, barely holding onto it, definitely not hearing anything after the doctor had said Alex died. 

If he just hadn’t left for a few more days. The aneurysm could have ruptured here, he could have been right in front of the best neurosurgeons in the country. They could have found it faster, started surgery sooner, _they could have saved him_. If only he hadn’t left.

“Hey, Jo,” Link grabs her hand away from where she’s holding it in such a tight fist that she might draw blood, “What happened? Who was that?”

She’s going to have to say it. _Alex died._ It takes everything in her to tumble that thought around her brain enough to understand it, but when it finally really clicks, it forces her back into reality. Back into the hard plastic chair that she always slips off of, the table that she’s banged her leg into more than once. Back to Link’s concerned face, to Meredith standing in the doorway. 

In something just above a whisper, the words, “Alex is dead,” finally find their way out and then it _really hurts._ It hurts more than any abuse anyone could ever throw at her, it hurts more than her mother abandoning her, it hurts more than she thought anything could hurt her. It’s not entirely clear if she falls onto Link or if he pulls her onto his shoulder, but there’s no way she can hold herself up. 

They had just gotten married, had just barely started their lives together and then this happens? No, they were supposed to grow old and gray and cranky together. Alex was supposed to become that old guy that only half-jokingly yells at kids to get off his lawn, then she would tell him that he was a pediatrician, he can’t yell at kids like that. They were supposed to have kids of their own, give their kids a better childhood than either one of them had gotten. She can’t even remember the last time they had said I love you to each other, or the last time they kissed, or the last time they had breakfast together. Nothing. 

It's the universe's cruelest joke: taking someone so suddenly that you can't remember their lasts--that you can barely conjure up anything when you try to think of them, when you try to think back to any single insignificant moment. But it's just their wedding that plays in her mind, the two of them on a ferry boat, wind blowing her hair all over the place and all over his face, the way he looked at her like there was not a single thing that he wouldn't do for her. His hands holding hers so tight, so incredibly tight, like if he let her go, she would blow off the boat. The way it felt like it was only them, like they were the only two people in the world in that single moment. What she wouldn't give for one more of those looks, for one more I love you, for one more kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that episode really ruined his characterization, didn't it. Didn't know that somebody could ruin a character so quickly. Also, it's the lowest rated episode on IMDb already, and I think that's hilarious.
> 
> Anyway, next chapter is Meredith reacting. I kind of liked the structure of the episode, so I'll probably keep it very similar, just with a better plot.


	2. Head Above Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty direct continuation of the last chapter, but now we're seeing Meredith's reaction and thoughts.

Meredith isn’t sure that she heard Jo entirely right, because she could have sworn that she said that Alex died, and that couldn’t have possibly happened. She didn’t hear about a plane crash, didn’t hear of any major disaster, nothing happened. He couldn’t have just died. He was fine the last time she saw him, he didn’t look sick, he wasn’t acting any different, he was fine. 

But the way Jo just collapsed is too similar to how she wanted to react when the police officers came to her door, the way she could just barely say the words is too similar to how she told everyone Derek died. The way Link looks back at her, and how hard Jo is crying, like she’s in unbearable physical pain, she doesn’t need to hear it again. She knows: Alex died.

Evil spawn, the worst of her intern class, the one person that she was sure was going to drop the program, but he made it. He turned into a pretty impressive pediatric surgeon, something she never would have picked for him, and turned into an even better human being. He was her person. He had been there for everything: the LVAD wire, Izzie’s cancer, Cristina leaving, George dying, Derek dying, the plane crash, the bomb, he was the one that her and Derek trusted with Zola, the one that she trusted the most with all of her kids, the one that would randomly show up at her house with alcohol or food and talk to her. And now he’s gone. After defying everything to become a surgeon, after surviving more than most, he’s gone.

The news is still too shocking to really let her process anything, but before she realizes what her body is doing, she’s walking over to Jo, putting an arm around her, settling next to Link, hoping that Jo knows that she isn’t alone in this, and telling herself that there’s somebody else here who knows--knew--Alex as well as she did,. Someone else that probably noticed all of the little things you pick up on about someone when you are around them for so long--like his crooked smile that always made him look like he was being a sarcastic ass. And they’ve both seen his junk, Jo was a very lucky girl.

But now, what feels like the worst thing in the world to happen to someone is happening to Jo. It’s a club that you never want to be a part of, but once you are, you can’t not be a part of. There’s no way out of dealing with what happened, there’s no way out of not feeling it. Everyone that was there after Derek died knows that Meredith tried almost anything to get away from her husband dying, she literally tried to outrun it. But then Alex was there. He called her constantly, he showed up in San Diego the day the hospital called him. Other people, they’d show up the next day or a few days later, but Alex? He showed up the first second he could. That’s what made him such a good person, an amazing doctor. The closest thing to a brother that she would ever get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I finish and publish this at almost 4 in the morning? Yeah. Leaving my dorm for at least two weeks, but maybe until the end of the semester is unexpectedly overwhelming and emotional. So, I've been going to bed way too late, but maybe I'll end up writing more when I'm at home with online classes, who knows at this point though. 
> 
> Also, I've noticed that these chapters look a lot shorter on here than they do on google docs. I'm always kind of afraid that I'm writing way too much, but I guess not. Next chapter we'll start to wrangle in some characters that aren't at Grey-Sloan.


	3. Bad At Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arizona, Callie, and Sofia find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that's heavy on the calzona, so if that's not you thing, you can skip the end. It's more me making those two actually talk about everything that's happened between the two of them than anything.

It’s 10:30 in New York when Arizona’s phone rings with a Seattle area code and numbers similar to her own, so she almost ignores it, but spam calls usually don’t come this late at night, so she answers it with a questioning tone, “Hello?”

“Hey, this is Arizona, right? It’s Amelia, by the way.” Normally, Arizona would say something about Amelia deleting her number, or getting a new phone and not telling her, but something seems off. There’s something in her voice, something in the cadence of it, something that she can’t identify, but it’s off. 

So, she responds cautiously, “Yeah, what’s going on? Normally, you guys just text me when something interesting happens.” 

“You might want to sit down before I tell you.” 

Instantly, Arizona knows what happened, “Someone died, right? Who was it?”

“Alex. He blew an aneurysm on the way to see his mom.”

The words hit Arizona like a freight train. “Holy shit.” 

Alex Karev, the pediatric surgeon she had trained herself, died. They had spent so many hours together in operating rooms, he had saved her own daughter and watched her whenever one of her parents wasn’t there. It’s insane that someone who was always just there, usually getting on her nerves a little, yet knew exactly how to calm down parents. There’s no one else she would have wanted to leave in charge of pediatric surgery, and he was the only one she would trust with her own kid if she ever needed any major surgery. 

Almost like Callie and Sofia heard Arizona’s thoughts, keys click and jingle in the front door, the two of them coming back from a movie. “Mom! It was so good!” When she runs around the couch and sees the look on her mom’s face, she almost stops in her tracks, “What’s wrong?”

Arizona opens her arms to her daughter, quickly says goodbye to Amelia, and motions for Callie to come over. There’s no easy way to say this, especially not to a seven year old who misses her Seattle family, as she calls them, enough as it is. “So, you know uncle Alex, the one that always blows up gloves when he calls you?” Sofia nods in the affirmative, but Callie is already a step ahead of Arizona’s explanation. Knowing that Callie is ahead of her, Arizona looks over at her, trying to figure out the best way to break the news. “He was going to see his mom, and...I don’t know where I’m going with that.” She pulls Sofia in tighter with one arm, and rubs her face with her other hand, “He died.”

“Like daddy and uncle Derek?” Sofia’s little voice saying that breaks Arizona’s heart. That’s the one thing that she didn’t know that she couldn’t take. There were already tears in her eyes, but that right there broke her. 

Callie jumps in for her, “Yeah, like your daddy and uncle Derek.”

The look that washes over Sofia’s face shows more pain than they ever wanted to see on their daughter’s face, she loses almost all color and her eyes immediately well up. When she was younger, she didn’t really understand what death meant, she just knew that she wouldn’t see that person again, but now she gets it. And wow, it hurts her moms more than she’ll know. 

Then suddenly, Sofia is enraged and all but sprints out of her moms’ arms, into her room, slamming her door. It’s a reaction that both Arizona and Callie have wanted to have at times, to just be alone with their grief and avoid everyone, but it still hurts. 

“I’m so sorry, Arizona.” Callie hands a tissue to her, then rubs her arm a bit, anything to distract from the fact that it’s hurting her too. “I know you two were the pediatric dream team.”

There are a few sniffles, followed by more tissue grabbing, then sudden laughter, “Remember the Callie O’Malley thing?”

Callie laughs, “Oh yeah, he didn’t stop with that for a while.” After a second, she adds, “He never beat around the bush, that much is for sure.”

“Yeah, he would tell me a lot of things that were hard to hear at the time.” Arizona looks down at her leg, something that she blamed Callie for for far too long, “But he was usually right. I wish I could thank him for that.”

Callie looks shocked, “You know that Alex was the one that made the decision?”

“He told me a few years ago. Figured I had cooled down enough from the whole situation.” Arizona readjusts, turning towards Callie, “It was the right decision, no matter how pissed I was. It was either the leg or my life, and if it was you, I would have made the same decision.” It takes a second, but eventually, “I guess I’m trying to say I’m sorry. About all of it.”

“You’re not the only one who screwed this up.” It’s the first time they’ve ever really talked about everything that happened, up until now it’s just been swept under the rug and they’ve acted like everything was okay for Sofia. “I remember saying some pretty harsh things to you, especially when I was trying to keep Sofia.”

It takes Arizona a minute to comprehend everything that’s going on, “What you said still won’t ever be okay with me, what you allowed your lawyer to say will never be anywhere close to okay, but we’re okay. Neither one of us played fair in that, it’s a miracle that the judge gave her to either one of us.” Shaking her hair out of her face, Arizona quickly changes the subject, “Speaking of who, should we go check on her?”

“Yeah, probably.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I can't write for Callie.  
> Also me: writes a stupid long chapter that goes Callie centric at the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, that episode really ruined his characterization, didn't it. Didn't know that somebody could ruin a character so quickly. Also, it's the lowest rated episode on IMDb already, and I think that's hilarious.
> 
> Anyway, next chapter is Meredith reacting. I kind of liked the structure of the episode, so I'll probably keep it very similar, just with a better plot.


End file.
